are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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