I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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