My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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