How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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