I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Come see our sink grown plant.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
