I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
