I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
