you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Pants are for mortals
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
