Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
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My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
third nipple confirmed
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize