That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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