Did you just see the Batmobile???
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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