It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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