i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just made my gag reflex go away.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
