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I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
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