u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister