remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
