guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
