so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
