Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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