saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I wear drunk well.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
