the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i love accidental penises.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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