There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
