dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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