i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
