I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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