the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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