was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
