Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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