apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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