Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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