I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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