just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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