no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm too high and old for this...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
