I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
