You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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