We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
