ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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