Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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