You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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