i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
