my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
