oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
pop tarts are not kleenex
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
