im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
