I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
