Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
