Whats the glycemic index on semen?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
