Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I have fence marks all over my body
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Panties = found
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
