We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
