Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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