I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
