Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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