We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
