ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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