Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
