my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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