Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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