just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
