i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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