is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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