I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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