i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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