Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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