she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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