tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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