you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
