And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
