i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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