WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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