glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
As shirtless as possible
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
